Sheldon Pollock (शलजम पालक) finds himself in the “Trump-Land”

By: Prabhat Gupta

Who is Sheldon Pollock (or “शलजम पालक, playing pun on the similarity of sounds of these two words, where शलजम is beet and पालक is spinach, that is, things found in plenty but useless)?

Unfortunately, this person suddenly finds himself landed in the “Trump-Land” (US of the “President Trump” kind), much against his wish and expectations.

Sheldon Pollock is a person who is a sanskrit “scholar” (!) but who does not know “हाव, भाव और रस” (figuratively that is, A, B, Cs of Sanskrit),  yet he is a Sanskrit scholar.

A poem to this owl is dedicated here who has stuffed the study of Sanskrit the same way.

(The editor could not resist the temptation to copy and paste this “apt poem” here on this page itself, which wonderfully places Sheldon Pollock as “the fault-finding critic” and the Sanskrit-knowledge as “the living-owl supposed by the critic a mere stuffed-owl” in this poem. The poem is at the bottom of this post).

This fool thought Sanskrit was dead much the same way the character in the above poem thought the owl was dead.  Very good at spinning stories about Ramayan such as “Ramayan and the political imagination in India” (possibly written under the influence of benzodiazepine or may be some other substance).

This thesis basically implied that “Ravana being evil was hated, this hatred translated to Islamophobia because of Ramayan!!!!!” (Action item 1)Very good at getting grants from honest but fools like Murtys of INFOSYS.Thinks MCLI is flying of the shelves. See MCLI sales brochure attached. Has bad, nay very bad accent of Sanskrit. Is western educated like this fellow (see image at the bottom) but still does not get it, that he is not a scholar but a “scholar” of Harvard PhD holder and study of Vedas variety. (I must say the word “scholar” as opposed to scholar has been given to me by senior manager at INFOSYS when I met a few of them privately.)

Now there are, in hundreds, within INFOSYS who know what you, dear Pollock, stand for, including people near to Sikka, CEO Infosys. (Action item 2) Has a twin brother by the name David Shulman. The moment Sheldon saheb sees him, he knows he is standing in front of mirror.

David Shulman can talk, often hours on end, about Satyam, without knowing Shivam and Sundaram. Useless fellow!…. but another “scholar”.

Who is being sent this email – Distribution list:

Many in Coumbia and elsewhere in the US Universities, importantly within INFOSYS on private email address to Mid and Senior level managers who already see you as a willful distorter and perhaps a “natural” freak rather than a scholar. However you are a “scholar”.Many in CSDS India (including some who suffer the white complex)

Respected Pollock Saheb -Now that Trump has been elected, do you think it was because of Sanskrit?

You can perhaps invent a new school of thought – Deep purple Pollockism …something like Deep Orientalism? I feel it will be Pollock’s bollocks that will be more suited.

Also since there is this concept of aestheticization of power that you introduced, I have attached my small effort to illustrate the same.

Finally would you please sign this petition and let me know? As they say it takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to do this.

Please do not behave like the one with a reptilian disposition. Just do not have dual standards now ….remember when you signed a petition against Modi.  (Action item 3).

I quote a friend: Ask the millions of Native Americans, who were victims of genocide having ephemerally tasted Christian love. They wouldn’t think that Americans worked together without fanfare. Ask the blacks enslaved and lynched for generations and they are unlikely to reach a conclusion very different from that of the Native Americans. Ask the gays and lesbians and those who are incarcerated just for smoking marijuana and it would be the same conclusion. Pause for a moment and think of those blacks who quit Christianity and embraced Islam – and the larger population didn’t work it out with them at all.I equate you with Kardashian – all style and no substance. Or, in other words – exaggerate fake moans and no orgasm! As a matter of fact Kardashian and Paris Hilton look smarter because of you twins.

In view of this Pollock saheb, what have you done? Except, of course having good food at the expense of Murtys, churning bull$hit out of your intestines. Action Item 1 (as described above)

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/world/britain-rebuffs-calls-to-cancel-trump-s-state-visit/3479106.html

Know this Pollock saheb that Israel openly acknowledges that India is the only place where Jews were not prosecuted and extending a jewish friend’s line, even if there is no acknowledgement the track record and her history proves the point any way. Since you are not a jew you would not understand.

So what am I saying? Pollock saheb, clean your backyard saheb, blacks need your attention. Rosa Parks, Rodney King……Learn Sanskrit properly. Be a good Jew. Any way Pollock Saheb, if you could complete these two assignments, I will get you a passing grade, failing that you will remain a “scholar”.

As for the Christmas gift that I had promised …. I am sorry to disappoint you but looks like Trump will get H1 Visas out and hence it will effect the bottom line of INFOSYS. So no gift.

Nota Bene:

Action Item 1 for Pollock saheb ji: Could you please write a thesis, without the influence of any substance, titled: “Bible and the political imagination in the USA?”
Action item 2 for Pollock saheb ji: In view of the profit waning warning sounded by Sikka, what do you think you should do?
Action Item 3 for Pollock saheb ji: Could you please initiate a petition, if you have the guts, that is, against Trump in view of what is now happening?

Please send it to me.

Pollock’s “Aesheticization of Power” in its true Indian color:

aestheticization-of-power

The poem:

A Lesson to Fault-finders
“WHO stuffed that white owl?” No one spoke in the shop:
The barber was busy, and he couldn’t stop;
The customers, waiting their turns, were all reading
The Daily, the Herald, the Post, little heeding
The young man who blurted out such a blunt question;         5
Not one raised a head or even made a suggestion;
        And the barber kept on shaving.
“Don’t you see, Mister Brown,”
Cried the youth, with a frown,
“How wrong the whole thing is,         10
How preposterous each wing is,
How flattened the head is, how jammed down the neck is—
In short, the whole owl, what an ignorant wreck ’tis!
I make no apology;
I’ve learned owl-eology.         15
I’ve passed days and nights in a hundred collections,
And cannot be blinded to any deflections
Arising from unskilful fingers that fail
To stuff a bird right, from his beak to his tail.
Mister Brown! Mister Brown!         20
Do take that bird down,
Or you’ll soon be the laughing-stock all over town!”
        And the barber kept on shaving.
“I’ve studied owls,
And other night fowls,         25
And I tell you
What I know to be true:
An owl cannot roost
With his limbs so unloosed;
No owl in this world         30
Ever had his claws curled,
Ever had his legs slanted,
Ever had his bill canted,
Ever had his neck screwed
Into that attitude.         35
He can’t do it, because
’Tis against all bird-laws
Anatomy teaches,
Ornithology preaches
An owl has a toe         40
That can’t turn out so!
I’ve made the white owl my study for years,
And to see such a job almost moves me to tears!
Mister Brown, I’m amazed
You should be so gone crazed         45
As to put up a bird
In that posture absurd!
To look at that owl really brings on a dizziness;
The man who stuffed him don’t half know his business!”
        And the barber kept on shaving.         50
“Examine those eyes.
I’m filled with surprise
Taxidermists should pass
Off on you such poor glass;
So unnatural they seem         55
They’d make Audubon scream,
And John Burroughs laugh
To encounter such chaff.
Do take that bird down;
Have him stuffed again, Brown!”         60
        And the barber kept on shaving.
“With some sawdust and bark
I would stuff in the dark
An owl better than that;
I could make an old hat         65
Look more like an owl
Than that horrid fowl,
Stuck up there so stiff like a side of coarse leather.
In fact, about him there’s not one natural feather.”
Just then, with a wink and a sly normal lurch,         70
The owl, very gravely, got down from his perch,
Walked round, and regarded his fault-finding critic
(Who thought he was stuffed) with a glance analytic,
And then fairly hooted, as if he should say:
“Your learning’s at fault this time, anyway;         75
Don’t waste it again on a live bird, I pray.
I’m an owl; you’re another. Sir Critic, good-day!”
        And the barber kept on shaving.
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